Wednesday, November 28, 2018


Mixing the peanut butter is a pain in the neck, as you health junkies well know. If you buy the organic variety, it is not filled with additives to keep the peanut butter solids from separating from the oil and settling to the bottom. While you know you are eating healthy, you also know that your wife will soon say, "Dear, would you mix the peanut butter please?" 

At this point, you dig out a metal bowl, and you try to pry the peanut butter out of the bottle into the bowl. Once you have all the clods out of the bottom of the bottle, you find a large spoon and start trying to dissolve the stuff into the oil. The trick is to keep at it until there are no more lumps.

Now, for several years I have been thinking, "There is a better way to do this." Recently, I was watching my wife use the hand beater to beat up some eggs, and I thought that this great old faithful kitchen tool would be just the gadget to mix the peanut butter. The peanut butter was sitting on the kitchen counter this morning, and I decided to stop procrastinating and do the manly thing and mix it.

I dug out the hand beater, slipped one beater into it (only one would fit into the jar), and I went to work to justify my existence as the resident inventor of our home. I reasoned correctly that the beater should be submerged clear down into the peanut butter to prevent it tossing bits of peanut butter out onto the counter. I also determined that the jar should be held very tightly to avoid losing control of the jar.

I determined the beater should go a lot slower than its lowest speed in order to not lose control of something. But, in the spirit of all great discoverers, I flipped the switch on LOW anyway. 

I mixed the peanut butter amazingly well. I mixed it all over the counter top, and I mixed a goodly portion on the floor, and I mixed it all over the stove nearby, and I mixed an ambient portion on myself.

This was one of those rare moments of great discovery when the only thing you can do is have a good laugh at yourself for being so gullible. If you stop by for coffee, you will notice the seductive aroma of peanuts in the house. We figure it will be well into 2020 before we locate every last bit of peanut butter around the house.

My method of mixing peanut butter is so unique and progressive that I have patented it, so do please write and get permission before you reprint my instructions for mixing peanut butter.