Monday, July 30, 2018


Texas has been receiving thousands of people who are fleeing California and other blue states.

I want to give some advice to you who contemplate moving to Texas:

First, stop at the border of Texas, find a dumpster, and throw all your Liberal Socialist assumptions in there and abandon them. Texas did not become the fine place for you to move to by doing the same idiotic things the California State Legislature and Jerry Brown Nose have been doing. When you arrive, understand that, unlike other southern states, you will be accepted by Texans in about 24 hours if you don't start whining that Texas is not nice to some entitled group. When asked when you came to Texas, the magic answer is, "I got here as fast as I could."

Second, understand that Texas has only one water table, not five, like Phoenix and other southwestern states. If you decide
to turn your piece of the Hill Country, or West Texas, into a tropical garden, you will become part of a problem that one day could destroy Texas and cause you serious pain. If you want to help solve the problem, buy a 2500 gallon tank from Tanks For Less, park it under your down spout, and collect rain water. With that water you can have your tropical garden without making your neighbors mad at you.

Third, talk to Texans where ever you go. People in the northern states are terrified of talking to strangers, just like they are in large California cities. You are very safe with the people around you in Texas. If you really feel unsafe where you live, take the gun safety classes required, and get a Permit To Carry. You can then carry a weapon and feel safe. It is the patriotic thing to do in Texas, even for ladies.

Fourth, stop cruising in the fast lane in the interstates. Texans do not like people who drive in the fast land because they think they can hold up traffic because they are doing the speed limit. Everyone in Texas drives over the speed limit except for one little old lady in Austin. If you like speed, take the loop around Austin, Highway 130. The speed limit is 85 MPH, and at ten over you can nearly do 100 MPH without getting a ticket. Park in the fast lane on 130, and some Peterbilt will be eating your bumper.

Fifth, do not trash Texas like you did along Interstate 15 between LA and Las Vegas. Texans do not think the sparkling broken glass, shining in the sunset along the highway, is pretty. And, our state flower, unlike California sage brush, is not a plastic Wal Mart bag.

Sixth, do not bring that wretched Bar B Que grill with you. With some of the cash you have left after buying a home in Texas, get yourself a real smoker Bar B Que, and learn to make the real thing. Once you eat real brisket, done the Texas way, you will never again put Bar B Que sauce on a piece of beef.

Seventh..... Sir, if you need to pee with the ladies, or you ladies need to pee with the men, stay right where you are. Men in Texas know that their God given hardware tells them what they are, and visa versa for the ladies. My apology to you trannies in California and Connecticut for not including a photo here so that you know what you are. Unlike California schools, we do not flash filthy pictures where little kids may see them. And, our judges put people away for 20 years who try that.

Other than that, do consider this an open invitation to move to Texas. In fact, SEND MAIL, and I will try to put you in touch with a Real Estate office nearby. We are in the Hill Country, which is the best compromise between the sage brush of West Texas, and the alligators in the East Texas swamps. Also, look into living along the Gulf of Mexico Texas coast. Fantastic fishing and water sports are famous there. An occasional hurricane is a lot easier to deal with than a 9 point earthquake.