Friday, December 23, 2016


It is my sincere intention to bless some of you kiddies with an occasional lesson in American Civics. 

Here is why.....

It has come to my attention that Civics has been expunged from the whole process of education by Commies and New Age freaks in high places. This has been done to keep you ignorant of your heritage as a patriotic American.

So, Lesson One is called:

The Process of Congressional Gradualism

Even many Civics books fail to discuss this very important function of the US Government.

When a hick burp from Appalachia, or a crack head from the south side of Chicago, wants to enter politics, he has only three things to do with his young life.

1. Sell your chartreuse Cadillace, donate your Mack Daddy suit to the Goodwill Store, and buy a pair of wingtips and a three piece suit. Oh yes, and clean all the coke dust out of your pockets, at least until after the election.

2. Get a law degree. This is easily done by raising enough funds to pay a university to give you the law degree pro bono and keep your transcript (with all the "F"s) sequestered forever.

3. Impress some rich fool in Switzerland who is hiding from the sacred rage of Americans because he is trying to destroy America with his billions. Promise the Swiss fool that you will be his porch monkey for life. And, you will be eternally funded for lunch and election and feed for your horse.

Now, this is all well and good, but the road to Nirvana is wrought with a rather inconvenient responsibility to show up and sit in an assigned chair, and either "Yea" or "Nay" from time to time. Otherwise, your time can be given over mostly to finding pork and attaching it to legislation and selling your vote for the perks.

"Perks?" you ask. Right. The perks come in the form of "donations" to your "campaign fund" by the companies chosen to build the pork bridge or dam back home. You get the kick back, the voters get the dam to fish in, and you get reelected for life.

You will also learn to lift a bit of cash here and there off of lobbyists and bankers who want your vote. The vote of a US Congressman is the road to Heaven. Use it wisely and often.

Now, I understand how this must be a shock to some of you. This process is the reason Civics has been extracted from the curricula of America. If the average American understood the gold mine in a membership of the US House of Senate, the line to register as a candidate for office would be ten miles long. Every lawyer in the USA would be raging to get to Congress. 

Frankly, that sounds pretty good to me, for it could actually result in the extinction of a deadly species of homo insipidium.

So, to help you figure this out better, I have a classic musical parable for you which teaches the principle of governance Made in USA by using a parallel story.

THUS................ DR. JOHNNY CASH

If you pursue this path of patriotic zeal for America, remember the motto of every US Congressman:


And, they don't.

PERSONAL: You US Government majors............
Please send me ideas for more US Civics lessons.
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