Friday, September 9, 2016


They squat anywhere. 

They have smart phones, but they squat between the train tracks or in the bushes of the city park.



Definitions: Restroom here is also referred to as "loo" and "WC" (water closet).


This gives us Americans at least one bit of cultural advantage over the Developing World. These alleged primitives have caught up with us and passed us up in many ways. But, when it comes time to poop, they go anywhere. All of India seems to be a loo.

Then again, India has exactly 1000 people per square mile at a population of 1,148,000,000.

The USA has 85 people per square mile with a population of 300,000,000.

Counting homes, government buildings, schools, churches, and businesses, we come up with one public restroom per American. There is no way India could ever afford to provide one billion plus toilets for the peasants. 

The India Express tells us that 60% of all Indians have no toilet anywhere which they can use. So, the program by the Indian Government, trying to propagandize Indians into squatting in a more civilized way, is a lot of poo. India is second from last in toilet facility improvement in recent years.

So, my dear Indian readers, you must see if you can hold your bowels until you find a public WC. If all else fails, there is a public WC in the Parliament building in New Delhi. This is necessary because of all the stuff that flies about during sessions of the parliament.

If the guard tells you the WC is only for government employees, please use the flower garden.

It is now possible to visit latrine parks in India which are done up very artistically, as the one in the photo below. The attendant will even wipe..... oh, forget it. Who needs Disneyland when you have Pooperland?

Also, if you live in the Indian city of Ahmedabad, and city fathers will pay you one rupee every time you use the properly designated public WC. This is pretty cheap incentive. One Rupee is worth one fifth of one American cent.

It is claimed that in Mumbai one can find a sufficient meal for as little as 12 Rupees. This means that, in Ahamedbab, you will have to pee properly, or poop politically correctly, twelve times in order to earn enough to purchase one meal. Now, this seems a bit unreasonable. How can a poor Indian poop twelve times with only one meal in his stomach?

So, the Indian Government needs to get the cart back around behind the horse I think.

The poor munited Hindu,
He does the best he kin do;
He poops outside the window,
And that is how the wind blow.

And, you Americans, while you complain about the US Government, and other deficiencies in this land, please learn to rejoice that you can poop just about anywhere in the USA after a short walk. In fact, our Third World Wog President, Barak Obama, has made it even easier. He is now encouraging men to poop with the ladies, and visa versa. 

We close this scholarly discussion of international pooping with a song for you poopie groupies:


Once again, we at Balaam's Ass Speaks want to assure you that we are out there roaming the world to find the obscure but serious news items which the mainline media have failed to cover. And, that's no bull, and we cover it.